I woke up. It smelled funny, and there was more light, than usual. I jumped up, and rushed to the window. Over the forest, there was a white sky, and the earth was covered of fine, white snow. It was beautiful. Somewhere, i heard children screaming, and also some adults. December is a happy time. And Christmas time. I loved Christmas. Gifts, candles, trees, red, and Claire's birthday. A happy month. And the snow is so amazing. So pure an clean, pure magic!
I thought of Jacob. He loved the snow too, but he probably wouldn't enjoy it together with me.
Jake had been suffering. He loved his father, and now he was gone. At first, he just ran around in the forest, and he worked for a whole pack. Then he got depressed. And he still was. He sat, and kept on staring at the wheelchair. I wanted him to move it, but i couldn't talk to him. He was dead inside when i wasn't there. My mom had been in La Push yesterday, trying to talk to him. But it didn't really work. She told me, that he was just a zombie. But when i was there, he could even smile, and sometimes laugh. I was his medicine. But that was over now!
I decided to talk to him. He couldn't go on like this. I had been down at La Push every single day, but it didn't work. I had to do something serious about this issue. But not my special issue. Not now.
I ran down the stairs, finding my mom and Alice in the living room, watching TV.
"Morning!" I said.
"Good morning sweetheart. Is there anything wrong?" My mom asked me.
"No, why should there?" I answered.
"Oh, no reason. You just look upset." My mom was worried.
"Oh!" I said. "Well, I'm going to get some breakfast!"
"Are you going to La Push today?" My mom asked.
"Watch after the road, okay?"
"Mom, I'm not stupid." I told her.
"Yeah Bella chill." Alice said.
I went into the kitchen to get some food. Yum, cereal! I thought. I ate my bowl of cereal, and washed it. Then i went back into the living room.
"Are you going now?" Alice asked. My mom wasn't in the room.
"Yes, i guess i am. Wheres mom?" I asked her.
"She is catching up with your dad and Jasper. You know how nervous she can get when its Edward." She smiled. "I'm going to get them now, so ill see you later. And i know its just overreacting, but Bella will kill me, if i don't tell you to be careful on the road today."
And then she was gone.
Well, better go now. And ill watch after the road. I thought to myself.
I ran inside. it was really snowing now. Outside Jake's house stood the old rabbit, covered with snow. The little house and car, was actually beautiful, when it was covered with snow. I smelled other people. I recognized them, as Quil and Claire.
"Look hos here!" Quil said, when i opened the door.
Jacob and Quil were sitting in the couch. Jake looked miserable, and the wheelchair was still there. Like Billy would call for Jacobs help, and Jake would lift him in the chair. It still smelled of Billy.
Jake's eyes lightened, when he saw me. "Nessie." He almost whispered. It hurt me to see him suffer. He was so good and kind. Why him? Why not me? I loved him so much. He was mine.
"Hey, are you all right?" I asked him.
"Yeah sure." He said. But i knew, he was lying.
Quil smiled and said "Well, we have a lot of planning to do. Or Claire has. I'm just going to make De Le Puff-what-ever-its-called-things." He laughed.
"Oh my god! Its your birthday-party!" I almost forgot.
"Yes. Huge party at the La Push-hall." She smiled a big winner-smile. I gave her a hug.
"When is the bomb exploding?" I asked her, when we let go.
"Great! Count me in! I could help you planning it!"
"Cool." She said "Leah is helping me too."
"All right, see you tomorrow then." I said.
"yes, see you!" Quil said, and then they were gone.
I went over to the couch, and sat down next to Jacob. He looked so sad.
"I hate seeing you suffer." I whispered. He looked at me. "Its just... It hits me too Jake." I said "Were like one person."
"I'm sorry." He almost whispered.
"Have you seen the snow." I looked out the window. "Its just like magic."
He looked at me. His brown eyes were intense. It inspired me.
"Do you have paper and a pencil?" I asked. He just looked at me, weird.
"Yes, but why?" He asked.
"I need to write my song ideas dawn. (The song Reenesme is writing to Jakob, is Avril Lavignes Innocence, which i think is perfect for this moment. Watch link.)
"A song idea?" He asked.
"Yep!" I smiled.
He went over to the kitchen-area, and then came back with some paper and a yellow pencil.
I started to write. He watched me, patient, waiting for me to finish. His eyes followed every movement i made, every word i wrote.
"Done!" I said.
"Done? Just like that?" He looked confused.
"Well, whats it about?" He asked.
"Well... Actually, its about you." I smiled to him. "Just listen." I almost whispered. And then i started to sing.
"Wow." He said, when was done.
"Ehm..." I felt awkward. "Did you like it?" I finally asked. I felt like a complete idiot.
"Oh, eh... yeah." Guess he felt the same way.
Then the minutes passed by. Silence. Total Silence.
"Jake." I whispered.
And then i knew, that there isn't a perfect moment. It would never be the right time to tell him. So i just had to do it. Now.
"Do you remember Embrys party?" I asked. His face went white.
"Yes." He finally said.
"When i came looking for you in the forest?" I asked again.
"Yes, you were upset." He answered.
"I was about to tell you something very important." I told him. "And then Sue called, and... Its just been a mess i my head. Finding the right time to tell you." I looked at him. My eyes were burning. "But its never the right time, so..." I took a deep breath "I am going to show you." I whispered, and then took his hands in mine.
I remembered the dreams. Every thought. Everything. His eyes weren't moving. He focused. My heart started beating. We sat so close together, that i could feel his breath. I could see his pumping heart. I lost focus, and the memories disappeared.
His eyes started moving again, but they rested on my face. My eyes were barred in his. His face was so close. My heart almost exploded in my chest.
His face was close enough for me to taste his breath. So warm.
And then he kissed me.
Soft, but still with every feeling he had for me. I kissed back. My heart was jumping now. I loved him, but not in the same way as for three months ago. I loved him like this.
The kiss felt like, it had lasted for ever. But it was actually just a few seconds. He let go, and looked me deeply in the eyes.
"I will be everything, that you want me to." he whispered.
I put my arms around his neck. "I want you to be this." i whispered, and then we kissed again